To fall in the void as I fell:

none of you knows what that means. For you, to fall means to plunge perhaps from the twenty-sixth floor of a skyscraper, or from an airplane which breaks down in flight: to fall headlong, grope in the air a moment, and then the Earth is immediately there, and you get a big bump. But I'm talking about the time when there wasn't any Earth underneath or anything else solid, not even a celestial body in the distance capable of attracting you into its orbit. You simply fell, indefinitely, for an indefinite length of time. I went down into the void, to the most absolute bottom conceivable, and once there I saw that the extreme limit must have been much, much farther below, very remote, and I went on falling, to reach it. Since there were no reference points, I had no idea whether my fall was fast or slow. Now that I think about it, there weren't even any proofs that I was really falling: perhaps I had always remained immobile in the same place, or I was moving in an upward direction; since there was no above or below there were only nominal questions and so I might just as well go on thinking I was falling, as I was naturally lead to think.

-Italo Calvino, Cosmicomics "The Form of Space"

...yeah. kind of feel like this right now with my life. no reference points, free fall in space with no sense of direction or anything to grab onto. this post-school space is a strange one. i find myself crying for no reason. i'm not sure what it's about. and i AM excited about the future, but it's also part terrifying and i have no reference point for it, it's all new and different and i can just hope i will make it work.

"...I couldn't get out of the present except to imagine a different present, and none of the rest counted...

done. move. next.

photographic evidence is always nice.

TCM theory: check!

biomed: check!

acupuncture: check!

herbs: check!

well, kids, that's it for the NCCAOM national board exam for acupuncture and herbal medicine. now i just have to wait for a certificate (which i won't get for another month or so til i finish taking my CNT class)

it's kind of weird. i thought i'd be all excited and giddy and all these things. but it's really rather anticlimactic. i guess partially because i can't practice in CA with it anyway, so i have to wait until i move to make use of it :). speaking of moving... i need to get on that figuring out oregon thing...

but before i that i really need to grocery shop, clean my house and go for a run. and if anyone wants to take me to dinner tonight, i wouldn't be opposed :P.

i hate people.

courtesy of

www.angrylittlegirls.com

*kawaii*

quite possible the cutest thing EVER. i want one. NOW! anyway, read about this cute little puma here

Abstract of Judgment

man. long day and it's only 7.30pm. so, what i may have neglected to mention previously about my life is that i am currently doing some temp work. at a law office. and it's pretty mindless, we just have to go through a billion and twelve boxes of files and remove the abstract of judgment and judgment from each file and then scan them...etc. it sounds like hell, but actually wasn't too bad. i went through 5 boxes today and watched an hour and a half video on debt collection (that's what the law office does) and i did learn some interesting things regarding the law and the practice of debt collection, let's hope it doesn't have to come in handy... but ya never know. the other fabulous thing is that cheryl is also temping there, so we get to hang out in the conference room and do the files together, or listen to music. all in all, it could be worse and it pays ok. this being said, i'm glad i'm doing it for only 2 weeks.

so, why this is at all relevant is because i start my day just after 5am, when i get up for boxing, then have to make lunch and snacks for the day, pack my boxing stuff and all my work clothes and get to the gym by 6. box for an hour (today i worked with this girl, and she was a little too hardcore for me, and she had to comment on EVERYTHING i did. i'm all for learning and constructive criticism, and i know i don't know what i'm doing, but she had to say something about EVERYTHING. ugh, i wasn't into it at 6am this morning, i would have preferred bag work by myself.) and then i showered and changed at the gym(the showers there are actually pretty nice) and then off to cheryl's and we carpooled to work. get home at almost 6pm, cook dinner and i just did some data entry work for Amy.

and now it's 7.30 and as sad as it is, i am absolutely ready for my bed. unfortunately, i can't quite make it there yet. i've still got dishes to do, stuff to cook for tomorrow (i definitely didn't have enough snacks today, i was so hungry all the time!), set out clothing for tomorrow and also put away a stack of laundry that's been sitting in my room for days, and clean a bit. i suppose at some point i should study too (have my other NCCAOM tests this weekend) but that may just have to wait for tomorrow. my goal is to be in bed by 9.30. (i know, quite the life i lead) but somehow even 7 hours of sleep doesn't make getting up at 5 any easier.

in other news, i applied for this massage job at a day spa on monday. i'd really actually like to get it, met with the guy for about 30min, the place was BEAUTIFUL. he said to call him back today to set up a time to demonstrate my massage skills and i called and he had no idea who i was. always a good sign. awesome. he said he'd call me back in an hour (he was busy with a client) but so far, no go. will call him again tomorrow...

ok, off i go, if i ever want to actually sleep!

PASS! take II

NCCAOM Acupuncture section: PASS.

Jing Luo

i.e. the channels and collaterals. which, in case you were wondering (and i know you are), integrate the whole body, circulate qi and xue, demonstrate the location of disorders, and transmit qi to diseased areas.

so, in case you hadn't noticed, we're going to have a lesson of the day, since i don't really want to study (my exam is in 5 hours) and so, i figure i'll make the great wide beyond out there learn with me :).

so, back to basics - the jing luo system has various levels, the primary channels are what we all know and think of as acupuncture meridians. however, there are many other levels we can access both more superficially and at depth. the most superficial of the jing luo system are the cutaneous regions, then the minute collaterals, then the sinew channels, the luo (or connecting) channels, then come the primary channels, deep to these are the divergent pathways, the extraordinary vessels and finally the deep pathways.

cutaneous regions: demonstrate the location of disorders in deeper channels (i.e. you may have a rash or some skin condition in a particular region associated with an internal organ disorder), and external pathogens often enter the body at the cutaneous level.

minute/blood collaterals: distribute qi and xue to the body surface (you can thing of these like your capillary system), they also circulate your wei qi (this is your body's defensive qi which protects you again external pathogens...much like the immune system).

sinew/TMM channels: connect muscles, tendons and ligaments to joints, distribute qi and xue to body's surface, protect the bones, link structures of the body together, and facilitate articulation and normal activity.

luo channels: run superficillay along the body, they do not penetrate to the internal organs, they connect internally/externally paired channels.

now that we've covered the Luo... onto the Jing:

primary channels: intergrate the body, circulate qi/xue, demonstrate location of disorders, transmit qi, have their own points including 5-phase, xi, yuan and luo points. these are the points you have all heard of with organ names and numbers (i.e. Stomach 36/ZuSanLi) these are the points your acupuncturist will palpate for and needle. However, while they directly access the primary channels, these points can also be used to access the other levels described here.

divergent pathways: run deep to strengthen internally/externally paired organs and channels, they distribute qi/xue to head, face and interior (allowing yin to reach the head), integrate areas of the body not interconnected by primary channels, explain clinical actions of some commonly used points (i.e. PC 6 to treat nausea).

8 Extraordinary channels: not directly related to primary channels, reservoirs of qi and xue, link the 12 primary channels, protect the body.

so there you have it, an intro (and probably more than you ever wanted to know) to acupuncture meridian theory. but it made me read and rephrase the info, so thanks for helping me study :), but i suppose now i should stop procrastinating and get back to the books. after tonight i will be HALFWAY done with my national board exams... can you believe it?

wish me luck!

PASS!

NCCAOM Chinese Herbology Section: PASS.


*whew* that was the tough one (at least i think so) points tomorrow, then biomed and OM theory and i will have passed Nationals all together :) yay! Can't wait!

LDXGT TX LR/GB DH

if that makes ANY sense to you, you're most likely studying for the herbs section of NCCAOM National exams. *sigh*. i'm SO tired of studying. but that being said, i haven't really even studied. i guess i feel like after 4 years i should pretty much know this. and what *exactly* can i study, anyhow? it's EVERYTHING. so... we'll see. the test is today at 4.30pm and then i'm taking my second section (points) on monday at 5pm.

oddly. i'm really not nervous at all. part of me feels like i should be, because well, this is my future, right? i kind of have 4years and 110,000+ riding on this and it's not like i want to fuck it up. but, at the same time, i have to know enough not to fail. and it's kind of reminding me of my whole SAT ordeal - like i'm going to think the whole thing was just stupid.

wish me luck!

a wish to be a big cactus/with a pink flower on it

joshua trees

our campsite

nancy cooking an amazing breakfast!

looking out over jtree park from rocks at quail springs

me - pretending i can rock-climb

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort.

And the rattlesnake said,
"I wish I had hands so I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said, "Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice,
But hug my flower with your eyes."
- "Tree Hugger", Kimya Dawson

*sigh*

just got back from joshua tree national park last night. what an AMAZING trip. i had such a good time. the last two weeks have been a bit of a blur. with no real schedule to speak of, applying for jobs, freaking out about finances, registering for nationals, working, studying, and boxing boxing boxing boxing, and organizing the jtree trip.

so, really, the jtree trip is all i want to talk about, because the rest of it wasn't so exciting, except i DID go to boxing every day last week, which was awesome (thanks stephanie for coming with), if not a bit daunting with the 5am wake-up everyday. but it was fun, and hopefully this week (minus today) will be the same!

so, camping - we left friday mid-day to head out to joshua tree national park.
it was a much easier trip than i had expected, we got out there in under 3 hours even with a little bit of traffic! devon, tim and i got there first and set up camp, then nancy and dave showed up and finally TJ and cheryl. on friday we pretty much just hung out and cooked up some dinner and had fun on the campsite. after a fabulous breakfast of french toast on saturday (thanks nancy!) we took off and drove through the park stopping at various places to play on the rocks and see cacti and eventually made it to the complete other end of the park to cottonwood springs where we started our hike to lost palms oasis. it was close to a 4 mile hike each way. beautiful scenery, it's so strange. the desert. i felt like i was on another planet almost. the whole panorama is just amazing, the plants seem so foreign and the rock outcroppings look staged. it's just unreal. gorgeous in a completely different way than lush green tree filled areas. but also so DRY. talk about no humidity. but that's the mojave and colorado deserts for ya. anyway, had a hike out to the oasis - which i think wasn't exactly what any of us had in mind. the description we had read left a bit to the imagination and really, we all took it too far. the oasis, i suppose was rather a miraculous in the middle of the desert, but it wasn't pools of water. there was an outcropping of fan palms (the largest group of CA fan palms in all of jtree park) and if you dug enough in the group there was in fact water that welled up. at any rate, we took a little siesta in the shade of the palms before we headed back up and out of the oasis and back to cottonwood springs, and then back to our campground at blackrock canyon. sunday, nancy and dave had to take off after breakfast, and the rest of us packed up our site and decided to head out to hidden valley where TJ and i put on our rock-climbing shoes and pretended we both knew how to boulder... ha! but by the end of a couple hours we got the hang of it, but of course not before a few minor scrapes and abrasions. tim hung out with us and mostly laughed at our attempts to rock climb... cheryl and devon went for a walk around hidden valley and met up with us later. we all had lunch and then made our way back to san diego.

in a rare twist of events the temperatures at joshua tree were perfect - it was in the upper 70's -mid 80's during the day and 50's at night. PERFECT! whereas apparently san diego had a wicked hot weekend (it was disgusting when we got back last night). so what a great weekend to get out of the city!

anyway, the trip was awesome, great people, great weather, phenomenal scenery... i really didn't want to come back to reality! i laughed so much when i was away - it was great! on that note, hope you enjoyed the pictures above... here are some more, enjoy!


and here are some of TJ's pictures from the weekend! thanks for sharing TJ!

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEVON!

cranial overload/systems malfunction

*remember to breathe*

so. i'm done with grad school. (i know, i can't believe it's true either).

the last month has flown by. so much happening. so much to get done. so much still to do. and while i'm not in school anymore (it's weird not being in clinic all day today) there's this illusion of time and choice, but i'm not so sure it's anything more than that, an illusion. i had kind of envisioned a slow-down, some time to myself, something a little less structured and a place where i could get back to myself, live the kind of life i want, going to boxing, yoga, having time to cook dinner, and working. something other than the crazy-woman rushing around, every minute of my time scheduled kind of life i've been living for the last 4 years. and it is different. i am not absolutely scheduled, but now it's making myself my own schedule, where in i have to find more work, plan out my board studying (because yes, i need a study schedule, cos i will ONLY TAKE THESE ONCE) and get my exercise in, not to mention see friends (have to make the best of my last 6 months here...) and all that good stuff.

did i mention i finished grad school?

ha. i didn't think it would ever happen. and the reality is, it's a bit of anti-climax. i mean, there's still so much studying to do and i can't work in acupuncture until i'm licensed... so. yeah. maybe when boards are over this will feel real. but that being said, i'm glad i have a little time. now that i'm not in school my entire waking life, i can research more living/job stuff in portland and figure out more details of that. which is VERY exciting and kind of surreal, this is all starting to be real...

right, so, since i last posted... oh god, i have no idea what i've done. ha. finished up school, i believed i passed all my courses, otherwise i'd probably have heard by now. i applied to board exams, both nationals and states... i *FINALLY* got my registration ID for nationals and now have to schedule my exam modules (it's done at a computer testing center) which i plan on taking in a month. but might spread out the sections a bit, so possibly in the next couple of weeks i'll start that process! eeeeeek! nationals! and my states application was received but i doubt i'll hear anything from them for a while (the test is in august).

and in life outside of school/board exams (is there such a thing?)... have gotten to hang out with friends a bit. have gone out dancing with the girls a few times, hiking (possibly some pictures to come of hiking in penasquitos a couple of weeks ago), batting cages with ris and devon (too fun, though i was kinda crap at the hardball) and just yesterday i went kayaking!!!! on mission bay with tim. we had such an awesome time, though there was definitely some bumper-kayaking going on with the crazy messed up paddle. so much fun, haven't been kayaking in ages, so it was awesome to be out on the water (made me REALLY miss crew!) though i was crap at putting sunscreen on my legs and managed to miss a couple spots and now look like i have some sort of demented skin disease *sigh* oh well, it was worth it! speaking of weather, it's been CRAZY hot out here (high 80s!).

oh oh oh oh! this might be a day premature, but emily may indeed be moving to san diego YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'd be ridiculously excited. ridiculously. we haven't lived in the same city since HS...

in other news, the baking update: i've made the cheesecake (again, and again fabulous reviews), truffles, a ginger butter cake, the molasses spice cookies again (always a hit!) chocolate raspberry cake... but as my camera was on the fritz, no pictures... but it's fixed now, so look forward to baking pictures now that i have some time on my hands, and tons of recipes i want to try!

in recap: i finished grad school.

this is less about you all understanding it, than trying to have it sink in that i have actually finished my masters degree (about damn time) and am (almost) allowed to practice acupuncture for my job. :).

in the meantime, anyone you know in san diego who wants to give me a part-time job, or needs a massage, please get them in touch with me ...

cheers!
~ Alexis

...between an overload of information/and striving for a pure dedication/i find myself looking for the exit sign...

so. it's official. i'm crap at keeping a blog. but life, as they say, has been crazy. what else is new, you may ask? exactly. that's the problem.

ok, brief recap since my last post:
1) amy and natalie came to visit, it was fabulous to see them both. however they got unexpected rainy SD weather... and found that their favorite place was la jolla. who ever would have guessed? but thanks, both of you, i didn't get to spend nearly enough time, but it was a treat to have you, and puma misses your toes dearly!

2) house-sitting for elizabeth - my friend elizabeth went to NZ for 2 weeks to run to ironman, and i got to take care of her two dogs for the first week. she beat her last time despite insane weather, and had a wonderful trip around NZ and even got to hang with simon (i'm jealous!).

3)emily came to visit!!!! (well, sort of... she was out interviewing/visiting scripps to check out their PhD program and i got to steal her for 24 hours!). it was awesome to see her. there was much frolicking with sarah and celli and then saturday night, i had a bit of a pre-birthday get together at the bluefoot, which em got to attend and meet a bunch of my friends. it was fabulous!

4)sarah's bridal shower - beautiful, great to see everyone, and the whole "in the dark" thing was a trip... (we lost power for almost the entire party...).

5) bjorn was in town last week and so i hung out with him and TJ at Bondi's trivia night - superfun. and bjorn wanted to know why i wasn't moving to portland already... it's a good question, eh?

was supposed to go camping in anza borrego this past weekend, but weather conditions caused us to cancel :( which was sad. but had a superfun night at marissa's with devon, cheryl, celeste and jenna... good times ladies, thanks! and pretty much took the rest of the weekend easy.

and here we are. week 12 of school which means biophysics final thursday (ick) and 2 more weeks of classes, and 3 weeks of clinic left. that is just CRAZY. i can't believe this whole process is actually coming to an end. i've submitted my application for national boards, and it's been received, so i should hear from them in the next month and be able to register for my test dates (i'm thinking mid-may -which means i really oughta study). still have to mail in my states application, but that's not til august, so no rush there.

along those lines, it's really exciting to almost be done with school. i'm freaking out a little bit about finances... but i suppose that's normal. and tell everyone you know they really need to get a massage from me :P

ok, really not even thinking about that right now. *deep breath*

and yeah, other than that, life is pretty good. just trying to make it through the next few weeks. still getting some boxing in, which was awesome today (thanks niko!) and just planned a camping trip for joshua tree next month (SO excited) and can't wait to figure out all my oregon stuff once i have some time again!

*sigh* that was more than enough, wasn't it?

oh! but cooking! i made the fabulous coffee-cake on smittenkitchen's blog, a couple of weeks ago and sadly couldn't find rhubarb so used blackberries... still divine, and i'd have pictures but my camera is sick right now :(... but i highly recommend it!

ruck it to the west!

ok, so i know i've been a little slow on the updating. BUT. life has been crazy busy. so last weekend the IRB rugby 7s was in San Diego. For all you non-rugby people, 7s is a modification of traditional rugby union that has 7 players per side, and 7 minute halves. The games are really fast and fun to watch! it also means an ENTIRE tournament can go down in 2 days. which is exactly what happened. this is a big deal, it's in the 7s world series circuit and it's the only major rugby tourney played in the US. (it used to be in LA, i went with laura a couple years ago but now it's in SD, YAY!). so, naturally i went alllllllllllllllllll weekend. the weather was great, and i had SUCH a good time! granted i was slightly less productive in the rest of my life... but really, who cares :P! so, here are a few pics from last weekend.

at the start of the day... here's the schedule for the morning.

NZ's team! victor vito is AMAZING, so fast! he was so much fun to watch!

hehehe. don't ask...
NZ v FRA
(this was a rivalry b/c FRA beat NZ in the world cup semifinals in october...grrrr)

crowd...

me and... (i totally forgot her name, but she was tons of fun)


everyone loves Kenya! (esp when they're beating ENG!)
FINAL!!!!! NZ v SA (NZ won, of course)

ok, so tons more pictures, some people from the game have some more to send me. so eventually i'll post more :). but it was such an AWESOME weekend. god, i miss rugby so much (good thing super14 started this week!) so rugby all weekend, and also Ray at Night with Aimee and co. lots of fun. i was totally wiped from being in the sun all day both days and *sigh* it was just great!

crazy week of school, busy stuff. midterms and all that jazz. childrens... i'll post about that later, can't get into it right now. this weekend has been pretty chill. went out with rudy, mike and cheryl on friday night. haven't been out out in ages. went to AC lounge, danced lots and stayed out late. not gonna lie, had a bit of hangover saturday morning :). today i baked HEAPS! had dinner at TJs to celebrate his bday. he makes this spaghetti dinner every year (he has since he was a kid) with his grandmother's sauce recipe. so he had a few people over and i made a pumpkin pie (his favorite) and dulce-de-leche cheesecake which came out AMAZING
this picture does not do it justice (and my camera is being weird, must get it checked out) but i don't really like dulce de leche or cheesecake and i have to say it was pretty good, and everyone else absolutely LOVED it. i LOVE baking :) yay!

ok, now that i've made an update i must finish cleaning house and get some sleep. another busy week (i do NOT have the day off tomorrow) and amy and natalie come on tuesday, so that's exciting!

*新年快乐*

*xinnian kuaile*

(happy new year!)

恭喜發財

(gongxi facai)

*congratulations and be prosperous*

super tuesday and other such things

well. the polls just closed here. it'll certainly be interesting... i was voting just after the polls opened this AM (it was conveniently on my way home from boxing). i felt bad for everyone in line with stinky/sweaty me... but, hey, if i didn't go then not sure i would have gotten there...

*sigh* children's was tough yesterday. still working on the 5 year old with the brain stem tumor, and it's just hard, because he doesn't get better and has been in the hospital for months... it's so heartbreaking to see the family and read all the charts (about the parent's meeting with the psychologist, etc...). and then saw an almost 4 year old who has some abdominal tumor and has been in the hospital for 3 weeks, and wouldn't even let us touch her... poor kid, and you wonder if it's just a product of being in the hospital for that long and stuck with hypodermics (we were just going to do massage and magnets, no needles) or if maybe she has some abuse history? and then hung out with this 16 year old girl who was just supercool and full of life, but has been in the hospital for a few weeks and has some condition where her white blood cell count is virtually non-existent - she's not allowed outside. and they have no idea why - she woke up one day with a crazy fever and it just got worse from there. anyway, she's been seeing EVERYONE, infectious disease doctors, haematologists, oncologists. read her whole chart and a possible diagnosis is HLH which i had actually never heard of (went home and did some research)- a rare blood disorder where your macrophages eat all your other blood cells - really weird. and fatal if not treated. and even when treated (chemo, bone marrow transplants) there isn't a very high 5 year survival rate. so SO sad. this girl is such a typical teenager, plays on the soccer team, has tons of friends, a boyfriend... *sigh*, it's just so hard to think that there is such a low survivability rate if she does in fact have HLH... she was sitting there and started crying because she just wants to go home... and we can't even do needles because her white count is so low, we don't want any risk of infection... anyway, had a couple other patients. but all in all, that place just makes me think and feel and all these kids are so young and have so much going for them, yet... have the unfortunate circumstance of having some horrible medical condition.

on a completely different and much less depressing note, i LOVE cooking. and mama just sent me a fabulous cookbook (chocolate and zucchini - which is a great food blog, if you haven't seen it) and i have been really into food blogs and being inspired by some of their recipes and photos, especially smittenkitchen.com! in that vein, i made a BIG pot of soup on sunday to eat during much of my week... and while it's not the traditional version with kafir lime and lemongrass (i didn't have it at home) i made a quick and easy makeshift Tom Yum soup (thai style spicy!) and it came out pretty damn well... i just used chicken broth, a couple fresh-squeezed lemons, lots of sriracha, ginger, garlic and then veggies (bok choi, broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms) and some shrimp and voila! (see below).

sweet!

the molasses-spice cookies i made yesterday. they turned out AMAZINGly.

..i'm going to clear my head/i'm going to drink that sun...

man, what a week. i came down with a nasty illness for most of it. started monday night with a really bad chest cough that hurt. took some herbs on tuesday and managed to clear the cough out of my chest but the sickness just went up to my head and i was all congested and sneezy... but i supposed up and out is better than down and in... i'm finally feeling like a normal human being again, albeit a bit congested still.

monday night i also went out to RICE at the W hotel with muffin, because it was restaurant week

other excitement of course was heading down to Vice (don't get me started on this one) to get my HHP license renewed. it was actually pretty easy this time around, didn't have to wait, but it's just a pain in the ass, not to mention expensive. here's to making it all back when i finish school in april and actually have TIME to work.

in other news, i just have to say i think i have some of the coolest friends ever: karen just got past the first round of interviews for a fulbright! court is going to school for wine-making, dawn just placed in the top-5 at a field goal kicking contest (yeah allstar!) and emily is coming out to san diego for a meeting at Scripps!!!!

the rest of my week was the same old same old craziness... 9 more to go! i can't wait... figured out all my applications for boards, so i pretty much just have to write the check and mail those in.

and now, it's art day! cheryl is on her way over, and i am baking molasses-spice cookies... you know you wish you were here :) so it seemed like the thing to do. i had the most amazing kobe beef short ribs... they were so tender, it was delicious, didn't need a knife or anything! anyway, that was a nice treat to start out a crazy week.

...steady as she goes...

it's friday. finally. this week has just seemed so incredibly long... not to mention it's been rainy (which always makes me happy, but not so the rest of the residents of 'always-sunny-san diego'). so the week in recap:


monday: none of my patients showed up on my clinic shift (ah! it's raining, i might melt!). so i treated one of the assistants, hungout in the herb room making formulas and then co-treated with a friend. then off to children's... natalia and i saw this 5 year old boy with a brain-stem tumor, he's pretty much at end of life, has a DNR... *sigh* paralyzed from the neck down and wasn't communicating verbally. he was there though, his eyes were tracking us and responding. but, the killer isn't even seeing the kids like this, it's looking around their rooms and seeing the pictures of them when they were healthy and playing... it's enough to make you just about lose it. i honestly just can't even comprehend what life must be like for these kids, or their families... my heart goes out to them.

tuesday: ha. i am not sure what my problem was. i actually woke up for boxing at 5, and got out of bed and then decided not to go. also, called in to my volunteer shift and it was slow, so i didn't go for that either. went for a 55min jog as the weather was actually lovely - it had rained the night before, so the air was all cool and crisp but the sun was out. it was good to get some vitamin D. then went to work in the afternoon.


wednesday: had a full full japanese clinic. as usual. thought my first patient didn't show. (Rain, again). but one of the other interns was really sick, so i treated him. and then saw two of my regular patients. had class in the afternoon and then clinic at PB free. where i am having an issue with one of my patients. he's always there early and expects me to treat him immediately (even though we don't technically start treatments til 6) and he calls me 'kid' which is fine, but it's the way he says it. "what's this kid's name?" he asked my supervisor even though i was standing right there. "so, kid, you know what you're doing?" and it's not just this... i don't know what he wants me to treat - he won't ever tell me "you're the dr, kid, you tell me" and he doesn't tell me if he gets better or worse... so i have no idea if the treatment is any good. i'm really frustrated. and i spoke to one of my supervisors about it yesterday and he was just like "is there anything you can learn from him, think about that for a week" which is fine, but i've been thinking about it for a month. and actually i'm not learning ANYthing. that's the problem. and i have bad qi when i treat him, because i don't want to. and that's not fair to him either. so i am hoping maybe someone else can treat him next week. because if it were my own clinic there is a talk i would have with him about respect, etc and that i didn't want to treat him as a patient anymore, and i would refer him. but i don't feel like i can say that, since i have to see him every week even if i'm not treating him. anyway...


thurs: up at 5 for boxing. kong brought out the big guns. man class was hard this week. there were only 3 of us there. i mean it's usually hard, but this was killer. awesome though. except my SI joint has been bugging me (i think it's all the jogging), so i couldn't do everything (which of course drives me crazy). then class. then i skipped my 2nd class (sorry nancy!) to get an acu tx with Vasa for my SI joint. and of course i got chastized for jogging in the first place ("on concrete?! what's wrong with walking, or swimming?") i know, i know... but... and he told me not to do too many left hooks. :P. had a great tx, feel better, and THANK YOU IAN! for doing some awesome massage and stretching, it really helped! then after acu, class again! went home and crashed out almost immediately.


fri: here i am at work. slept ok last night. am SO SORE from yesterday. it's crazy. but i kinda like it. and it really makes sleeping feel so good :). the rest of my plans for the day include going down to Vice to renew my HHP license (if i can find my certification! eeek!), working out at some point, and having a chill night... possibly cleaning the house... ha!


the weekend forecast: bjorn is getting into town tonight, so cheryl and i have plans to hang out with him and TJ on saturday night - to relive our portland adventures! :) it'll be fun. and sunday am going to meditation, possibly hiking with cheryl and then pub quiz with some friends... and all too soon it'll be over! and back to the week...eeeeek!


so, here goes... have a happy weekend!

...good morning baby, i hope i'm gonna make it through another day...

*sigh* it's just past 9am and i'm already ready for a nap. this week has been so busy, i just know i'm going to crash out when i get home tonight. unfortunately that's just over 12 hours away...

let's see - monday was good, had a clinic shift at school and then went to children's. kinda learned my way around with natalia - we ended up walking from one end to another more than once... i think we've got the place down now. after we got all badged and legal, we ended up seeing an almost 13 year old boy with a genetic muscle wasting disease. the kid was adorable, but he has been in the hospital (this admission) for months already. and his mom sleeps on the pull out chair. we did 2 needles on him, and some passive movement and massage. also we did massage on his mom and grandmother, and it's kind of amazing to see the change in him, when his mom relaxed... so cool. then i also treated a highschool girl who is in the chronic pain program for her headaches, though being much better it was her last treatment as she had graduated the program (outpatient). overall it was good shift, still a little overwhelming, but i think it's going to be a good thing, though definitely challenging.

that was monday. then tuesday, up at 5am for boxing. which was great. kong kicked my ass - which was necessary. but man, hadn't been for 3 weeks (comps, away, sick...) and yeah, i'm hurting... but in a good way :). then work all day. wednesday i had 3 clinic shifts - the last one at PB free - lots of emotional cases. and a woman who's a paranoid schizophrenic... who told me she never talked to human beings. interesting. but got a lovely treatment, and she calmed down and was quiet for the whole time...which was stellar! also saw a patient i had seen last week who had some severe wrist pain and she said it was SO much better this week, so that was good to hear! finally got home 10.30 pm and tried to get some sleep.

up again at 5 this morning for boxing. and now in school for 12 hours... i can't wait for my bed tonight.

...well at times this world be getting hectic...

...My people I just wanna disconnect it
Find something to nourish the pain...

(hi).

i know it's been awhile. i've been off the grid a bit. but i feel like it's time to start writing again. if nothing else, there's going to be a lot of change happening over the next year and i figure i might need some space to verbalize it all. and not that this past year hasn't been a lot of change, what with back surgery and moving, but i'm not going to review. gotta keep on moving...

at the moment i'm in a strange place. not literally (literally i'm sitting in bed on a sunday morning with puma curled up at my feet) but mentally. i've been feeling really overwhelmed recently. not with school (though my schedule is crazy!) but with the fact that in 12 weeks (12 WEEKS!) i will be done. no more school. possibly ever. weird, eh? and this 4 year process that felt like forever (still does, some days i think the 12 week thing is a myth!) is actually ending. and then what? exactly. i'll be in SD for a few more months... i've got a lease through august after all and then i still have to take boards (nationals and possibly states) and it didn't really make sense to move before then. so then life involves getting some type of full-time job that will pay my rent, etc until i move. and studying. lots. and then there's the whole moving thing. (in case you don't know, my plan is to move to portland, OR in sept/oct - check out pictures of my trip this summer if you haven't already) and there's all the chaos with that, somewhere to live, not knowing anyone, finding a job, starting a practice... *sigh* not to mention a ridiculous amount in loans i am expected to pay back. ha! all in all it's making me feel just a little bit stressed (ok, that might be a slight understatement... but you get it). but i'm also excited. have been feeling kind of stuck here, so it will be good to move again, try something new...

other than that... let's see - life is ok. i'm crazy busy this term - i've got 4 classes and 4 clinic shifts, i'm working at blue lotus 2 days and doing a shift at acusport... so the days fill up quickly. thus far i'm liking my clinic shifts a lot, i've got one with Dr. J which should be good - will help me brush up with herbs and then a Japanese shift with Elizabeth - which is great. Then my two other shifts are off campus... i'm back at PB free again which is always an experience and then my last shift is at children's hospital - have only been to orientation thus far, so this week will be my first time treating... it should be really challenging and interesting... but i am really interested to see how acupuncture works in a hospital setting...

and i'll get on the update thing... really. :)