Saturday, November 28, 2009

return (v. intr.)

v. re·turned, re·turn·ing, re·turns
1. To go or come back, as to an earlier condition or place.
2. To revert in speech, thought, or practice.
3. To revert to a former owner.
To answer or respond.

a. The act or condition of going, coming, bringing, or sending back.
b. The act of bringing or sending something back to a previous place, condition, or owner.
a. Something brought or sent back.
b. returns Merchandise returned, as to a retailer by a consumer or to a wholesaler by a retailer.
c. Something that goes or comes back.
3. A recurrence, as of a periodic occasion or event: the return of spring.
4. Something exchanged for that received; repayment.
5. A reply; a response.

another day, another airport. this time jfk. and a much longer layover. but i am impressed by the ease and convenience and cleanliness of the jetBlue terminal. i highly recommend it, if you have to go through NYC - the free wireless is great.

but moving on... return, returning, returned.... i was thinking about this a lot last week, before i went home. i had been to yoga and my teacher was talking about returning to the breath. and i wanted to explore this idea a bit more. what 'return' signified versus just attending to. because one can easily notice the breath without returning to it, and likewise, many other things. it's not just noticing, there seems to be this movement inherent to the word return. what i find fascinating is that it signifies both coming and going, sending and bringing... despite the fact that i find this slightly contradictory, it implies movement. and i like that - because that means there is not this passive observation, but an active intention.

i like this.

i was originally going to write this about my return home. but i've already left home. and i guess this is a different return - one to my daily life. home was so great, and grounding. and exhausting. i love my family and friends so much. and it's such a joy to see them and be there, and suspend this other life i live by myself, without them. i wish i didn't have to sleep (even the little i did) just so i could spend more time with them. but it's bittersweet, in some ways it reminds how much i'm missing in this other life i'm in the process of returning to...

while portland certainly isn't the 'home' i will always think about, where i grew up, where my family is, and where my friends and go back to. but it is also home in another way. it's where i've chosen to make my life, and i like the city and what it offers, and i like the scenery, and my job, and my house... all these things feel right to me. but i'm still missing that closeness of people i've known for years, of family that loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, of friends i can talk about life superficially and deeply and anywhere between, who will tell me if i'm being ridiculous and who i feel so completely at ease with. this is what i miss. and this is what makes returning home so wonderful and then returning to my other home so hard.

i guess that's it - right? there's always a balance, but not a static one - a coming and a going, a sending and a bringing.

so, thank you. for indulging my sentimentality. and thank you raychel, sarah and mike - for always making time for me and planning get together - i love you being a part of my life! thank you dida and laura for making time in your busy schedules - i know life is hectic and it's always a treat to see you even briefly. thank you amy and natalie - i know i'm always busy but i am so glad you're always there at thanksgiving (and you should definitely come visit portland). thank you muffin, for driving hours to visit and for just being you. thank you court and karen - for the meals, and the catch-up and for being amazing women doing amazing things with your lives, i am constantly inspired by you. thank you emily and grace for everything - it wouldn't be home without you. thank you tim and puma - for making my other home a place i want to go back to. and more than anything - thank you to mama and craig for being the best mother and brother i could ask for - you mean the world to me, and while i'm not home often, i have you with me always.

and now that i've sat here crying in the middle of the most amazing terminal in the jfk airport writing this possibly nonsensical emotional post, i think it's almost time to board my next plane.

love and hugs, and see ya on the west side...

Monday, November 23, 2009

she left on a monday...

sitting in the pdx airport. which actually, is pretty sweet. security is quick and there's free wi-fi everywhere. that being said, i wish my flight was at least boarding already. it's nice to be on the red-eye because i don't lose a day to travel, but... i'm usually asleep by now :P

heading back east for thanksgiving. to home. to friends. to family. i love thanksgiving. there's just something about it at my house. the smells of baking, the togetherness, it's fun and fast and i'm crazy exhausted when it's over, but i look forward to it all year. i can't wait to be up late at night baking pies with craig, going to neighbors houses to use their ovens, because the one oven in our house is never enough, the last minute grocery store run - because there is ALWAYS one, pajamas and aprons and cooking in the kitchen with mama thanksgiving morning, setting the table, placing the pies, taking the photos. and then, of course, everyone who comes over. there's just nothing else like it, and i am so ready to be home, to feel this grounding and enveloping sense of home.

i have some other thoughts i wanted to talk about - that i was reminded of in yoga this morning. but, i'm hoping we're boarding soon. so this is it for now, if i can't sleep i may very well try to get some of that into writing.

see you on the east coast :)

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

i have to admit it's getting better...

i'm finally starting to get into a rhythm at work. i have days and rooms and patients. it's getting there. slowly. but it's getting there.

it really does amaze me how much better and centered i feel not being in 3 different places. and now that work is falling into place i need to get the rest of my life there. i'd really like to start doing yoga regularly again, and maybe some taiji. but seeing as my health insurance premium went up 18%, i'm not sure that's going to happen right now (though i swear the money would be better spent on yoga, it would certainly do more for my health and wellbeing than the insurance does - as i haven't used it once in over a year...). but anyway... the healthcare situation is a whole can of worms i can't get into right now.

what else, what else? we're in november, which means it's time to talk pies for thanksgiving. am looking for some new recipes to add to the repertoire. though, i did make some pretty stellar halloween cupcakes...

if you've got any must-have pie requests, let me know... apple generally isn't my thing, but, i'm open to suggestion. (if you have never seen the tgiving pie spread, take a look at last years.... )


in other VERY exciting news... Dr. Graciela Mitchell will be gracing the land of Port with her presence next week and i, for one, cannot WAIT! yay!

next week is going to be killer.... health fair at adidas, then talk at new seasons (i should work on that...) and then frolicking with Gracie! and then it's almost time to head back east (i can't believe it's been a year since i've been home... crazy!).

and now i'm just rambling. so i'm going to call it a night. but make sure to check out my blog on cold and flu prevention over at: