Sunday, May 11, 2008

To fall in the void as I fell:

none of you knows what that means. For you, to fall means to plunge perhaps from the twenty-sixth floor of a skyscraper, or from an airplane which breaks down in flight: to fall headlong, grope in the air a moment, and then the Earth is immediately there, and you get a big bump. But I'm talking about the time when there wasn't any Earth underneath or anything else solid, not even a celestial body in the distance capable of attracting you into its orbit. You simply fell, indefinitely, for an indefinite length of time. I went down into the void, to the most absolute bottom conceivable, and once there I saw that the extreme limit must have been much, much farther below, very remote, and I went on falling, to reach it. Since there were no reference points, I had no idea whether my fall was fast or slow. Now that I think about it, there weren't even any proofs that I was really falling: perhaps I had always remained immobile in the same place, or I was moving in an upward direction; since there was no above or below there were only nominal questions and so I might just as well go on thinking I was falling, as I was naturally lead to think.

-Italo Calvino, Cosmicomics "The Form of Space"

...yeah. kind of feel like this right now with my life. no reference points, free fall in space with no sense of direction or anything to grab onto. this post-school space is a strange one. i find myself crying for no reason. i'm not sure what it's about. and i AM excited about the future, but it's also part terrifying and i have no reference point for it, it's all new and different and i can just hope i will make it work.

"...I couldn't get out of the present except to imagine a different present, and none of the rest counted...

1 comment:

Erica said...

you'll get there, and be that much stronger for having lived through the uncertainty.

i believe in you !