we all leave and let go

there's a story i know
we all leave and let go
there is nothing to hold us

in a moment of time
when the fruit becomes wine
and the thought becomes the memory

all of your sorrow
maybe tomorrow
will fade away in the air...

-Goldenhorse, 'Maybe Tomorrow'

haven't found the words yet. not sure the thoughts are really there yet either. it's a bit surreal. i just know that i probably don't tell my family i love them enough. you're in my heart and thoughts and i do love you. more than words.

Helping Haiti.

A re-post from over at anatomyacupuncture.com.
-------------------------------
In light of the recent earthquake in Haiti - this country with an already poor infrastructure needs all the help and support it can get.





Here's how YOU can help. The following are some easy and legitimate ways to contribute to relief work in Haiti if you're so inclined.

* Doctors Without Borders (MSF): Is an independent international organization committed to bringing quality medical care to people caught in crisis regardless of race, religion, or political affiliation. They are currently providing relief and much needed medical care to the earthquake victims in Haiti. Donate here.

* Partners in Health (PIH) : is a another great organization that provides access to primary care and free health care and education for people who are unable to afford it. They also with communities to provide better access to sanitation, health care, food, water and shelter. To donate specifically to PIH's efforts in Haiti - click here.

* American Red Cross (ARC): The American Red Cross shelters, feeds and provides emotional support to victims of disasters; supplies nearly half of the nation's blood; teaches lifesaving skills; provides international humanitarian aid; and supports military members and their families. To donate to disaster relief or specifically to Haiti - click here.

* Mercy Corps: Mercy Corps exists to alleviate suffering, poverty and oppression by helping people build secure, productive and just communities. Mercy Corps is currently helping earthquake survivors in Haiti. To Donate to their efforts - click here.

* Text 'Haiti' to 90999 to donate $10 towards the Red Cross's relief effort in Haiti. This is backed by the US State Department. Read more here.

Also, one of my favorite bloggers to read - The Pioneer Woman - is giving away two $500 donations of relief support for Haiti to the charity of the winner's choice. To enter, just leave a comment on her blog. Additionally, she is donating 10 cents per comment to relief efforts - so spread the love!

* Come in for an appointment at Anatomy Acupuncture - For my part, I'll donate $10 per patient I see for the rest of the month towards relief in Haiti via one of the above organizations. So, come in and get acupuncture, and help Haiti too!

welcome to miami...

so, actually. this is a bit late. i had all these thoughts about posting over the vacation but... yeah, i was kind of lazy. miami was great. it was SO good to see dad (a year and a half without seeing him, that was crazy - i can't believe it was that long...never again). It was also great to have some sunshine and warm weather... a break from the chillier climes of oregon. the week in miami was just what i needed, a little recharge - away from work (as much as i love it, it's still great to have a break), hanging with family (Kian is so big, it's amazing how time goes), being next to the ocean... ahhh, i love it.



anyway, tim and i had a great time - walked around south beach, people watched, visited the everglades, swam in the ocean, saw beautiful sunrises, ate delicious cuban food... it was good :).



and now i'm back in portland, good to be here with puma, i missed her! glad to be working, and actually just starting a 14 days detox today with some of the other practitioners and patients at awakening lotus. it's different than some the detoxs i've done before, and i'm excited about it - especially do be doing it with a group - it has a different feel than doing it on my own. that being said, one of the things i wanted to do along with detox was write everyday. however, i think i am going to post the detox musing on the anatomy acupuncture site... so if you're interested, check them out over there.

much love, and a couple photos from miami...

nothing says love like a sharp knife...

to quote deb of smittenkitchen fame (see her kitchen gift guide for the foodie in your life). and indeed, that's what i got for the holidays this year.

it's beyond exciting to have big girl knives. i have never previously had a what anyone could classify as a true kitchen knives. knives i've used in the kitchen - for sure. certainly none of quality or that made my life easier.

the knives i had now... wow, they are a dream. i went to sur la table to hold some knives, because after all the reading about various brands, it's what feels right in your hand... so, i went held knives... wusthoff, henckels, global... but i fell in love with Shun. not only are the blades beautiful (i honestly feel like they should be framed on my wall) but they felt so right to hold.

however, these knives are anything but inexpensive, and so i went home with lots to think about - if i needed a set or if just one really good knife was worth all the others. got home, was talking to tim about them, and it turns out that Kai USA (the distributor of Shun cutlery here in the US) also is home of kershaw knives, which makes some pocket knives tim happens to like. And to top it off they're located in a suburb of portland. so, that's exciting. but then tim tells me they happen to be having they're annual factory sale.

we go.

and well, here's what i came home with...

this is the mini 4inch chef's knife... a fast favorite with tim.

the 5inch utility knife... so far works great for everything...from cutting oranges to cheese.

the hollow-edge 7 inch santoku... now this is destined to become my favorite knife... perfect size for chopping... well just about anything. (i have to learn to keep my fingers out of the way, though...)

10 inch chef's blade - it's a beauty, and i am looking forward to taking some knife skills classes to feel comfortable with it.

9 inch serrated multi-purpose (bread) knife. and wow, it's a different world to have a bread knife that, well, cuts bread. instead of crushing it, like i'm used to.

and the cleaver. while not a very good picture, i actually think this is a beautiful blade, and would totally hang it on my wall.

before you have a heart attack, realize, please that i did not pay anywhere close to MSRP on these. it was the factory sale and things were priced extremely reasonably. which is not to say i didn't spend some money, but i think it was a good investment (and many thanks to mama and tim who contributed heavily to this purchase as my gift this year) and they make me happy!

in case you're wondering, these are the Shun Ken Onion set, which differ in the handles from the normal Shun line. The normal Shun line comes with offset handles for either the right-handed or left-handed user. I handled some of these and they were great. However, the Ken Onion line was on a deeper discount and has ambidextrous handles which is key in a house with different-handed cooks...

and honestly, i don't think the girl in the store was lying when she said they would change my life... as you can imagine, i can't wait to get using these and will chronicle my knife adventures for you in the future!

in dreams...

so i've been having kind of weird dreams recently. weird in a random mundane sort of way. they're all kind of real, me doing everyday things or with people i know. nothing fantastic or crazy, but weird in the little details.

for instance, i realized this morning, that i've now had this part of a dream several times. it's me taking out my contact lenses and putting them in a contact case (i know, fascinating - why is this even worth writing about?), except when i'm taking them out - i take out 3 lenses every time. i see them clearly in the case. in my dream this does not strike me as odd, however as i was putting my lenses in this morning i found myself looking for the 3rd one...

not that i have any idea where it was supposed to go.

thoughts?

return (v. intr.)

v. re·turned, re·turn·ing, re·turns

v.intr.

1. To go or come back, as to an earlier condition or place.

2. To revert in speech, thought, or practice.

3. To revert to a former owner.
4. To answer or respond.

n.

1.

a. The act or condition of going, coming, bringing, or sending back.

b. The act of bringing or sending something back to a previous place, condition, or owner.

2.

a. Something brought or sent back.

b. returns Merchandise returned, as to a retailer by a consumer or to a wholesaler by a retailer.

c. Something that goes or comes back.

3. A recurrence, as of a periodic occasion or event: the return of spring.

4. Something exchanged for that received; repayment.

5. A reply; a response.

another day, another airport. this time jfk. and a much longer layover. but i am impressed by the ease and convenience and cleanliness of the jetBlue terminal. i highly recommend it, if you have to go through NYC - the free wireless is great.

but moving on... return, returning, returned.... i was thinking about this a lot last week, before i went home. i had been to yoga and my teacher was talking about returning to the breath. and i wanted to explore this idea a bit more. what 'return' signified versus just attending to. because one can easily notice the breath without returning to it, and likewise, many other things. it's not just noticing, there seems to be this movement inherent to the word return. what i find fascinating is that it signifies both coming and going, sending and bringing... despite the fact that i find this slightly contradictory, it implies movement. and i like that - because that means there is not this passive observation, but an active intention.


i like this.


i was originally going to write this about my return home. but i've already left home. and i guess this is a different return - one to my daily life. home was so great, and grounding. and exhausting. i love my family and friends so much. and it's such a joy to see them and be there, and suspend this other life i live by myself, without them. i wish i didn't have to sleep (even the little i did) just so i could spend more time with them. but it's bittersweet, in some ways it reminds how much i'm missing in this other life i'm in the process of returning to...

while portland certainly isn't the 'home' i will always think about, where i grew up, where my family is, and where my friends and go back to. but it is also home in another way. it's where i've chosen to make my life, and i like the city and what it offers, and i like the scenery, and my job, and my house... all these things feel right to me. but i'm still missing that closeness of people i've known for years, of family that loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, of friends i can talk about life superficially and deeply and anywhere between, who will tell me if i'm being ridiculous and who i feel so completely at ease with. this is what i miss. and this is what makes returning home so wonderful and then returning to my other home so hard.

i guess that's it - right? there's always a balance, but not a static one - a coming and a going, a sending and a bringing.

so, thank you. for indulging my sentimentality. and thank you raychel, sarah and mike - for always making time for me and planning get together - i love you being a part of my life! thank you dida and laura for making time in your busy schedules - i know life is hectic and it's always a treat to see you even briefly. thank you amy and natalie - i know i'm always busy but i am so glad you're always there at thanksgiving (and you should definitely come visit portland). thank you muffin, for driving hours to visit and for just being you. thank you court and karen - for the meals, and the catch-up and for being amazing women doing amazing things with your lives, i am constantly inspired by you. thank you emily and grace for everything - it wouldn't be home without you. thank you tim and puma - for making my other home a place i want to go back to. and more than anything - thank you to mama and craig for being the best mother and brother i could ask for - you mean the world to me, and while i'm not home often, i have you with me always.

and now that i've sat here crying in the middle of the most amazing terminal in the jfk airport writing this possibly nonsensical emotional post, i think it's almost time to board my next plane.

love and hugs, and see ya on the west side...

she left on a monday...

sitting in the pdx airport. which actually, is pretty sweet. security is quick and there's free wi-fi everywhere. that being said, i wish my flight was at least boarding already. it's nice to be on the red-eye because i don't lose a day to travel, but... i'm usually asleep by now :P

heading back east for thanksgiving. to home. to friends. to family. i love thanksgiving. there's just something about it at my house. the smells of baking, the togetherness, it's fun and fast and i'm crazy exhausted when it's over, but i look forward to it all year. i can't wait to be up late at night baking pies with craig, going to neighbors houses to use their ovens, because the one oven in our house is never enough, the last minute grocery store run - because there is ALWAYS one, pajamas and aprons and cooking in the kitchen with mama thanksgiving morning, setting the table, placing the pies, taking the photos. and then, of course, everyone who comes over. there's just nothing else like it, and i am so ready to be home, to feel this grounding and enveloping sense of home.

i have some other thoughts i wanted to talk about - that i was reminded of in yoga this morning. but, i'm hoping we're boarding soon. so this is it for now, if i can't sleep i may very well try to get some of that into writing.

see you on the east coast :)

i have to admit it's getting better...

i'm finally starting to get into a rhythm at work. i have days and rooms and patients. it's getting there. slowly. but it's getting there.

it really does amaze me how much better and centered i feel not being in 3 different places. and now that work is falling into place i need to get the rest of my life there. i'd really like to start doing yoga regularly again, and maybe some taiji. but seeing as my health insurance premium went up 18%, i'm not sure that's going to happen right now (though i swear the money would be better spent on yoga, it would certainly do more for my health and wellbeing than the insurance does - as i haven't used it once in over a year...). but anyway... the healthcare situation is a whole can of worms i can't get into right now.

what else, what else? we're in november, which means it's time to talk pies for thanksgiving. am looking for some new recipes to add to the repertoire. though, i did make some pretty stellar halloween cupcakes...

if you've got any must-have pie requests, let me know... apple generally isn't my thing, but, i'm open to suggestion. (if you have never seen the tgiving pie spread, take a look at last years.... )

Pie-tastic!

in other VERY exciting news... Dr. Graciela Mitchell will be gracing the land of Port with her presence next week and i, for one, cannot WAIT! yay!

next week is going to be killer.... health fair at adidas, then talk at new seasons (i should work on that...) and then frolicking with Gracie! and then it's almost time to head back east (i can't believe it's been a year since i've been home... crazy!).

and now i'm just rambling. so i'm going to call it a night. but make sure to check out my blog on cold and flu prevention over at: www.anatomyacupuncture.com/blog.html

all the leaves are brown...

actually. they're not at all. they're brilliantly colored reds, oranges and yellows right now. just stunning.


but that song has been running through my head for days, so i had to use it.

so, about my last post. probably any of you reading this already know, because i've talked to you, but let me explain anyway.

i've been sort of stressed out. working multiple places, feeling scattered and that my energy was so ungrounded - which is not beneficial to me or my patients, nor do i think it will help me be successful. so, i had to make a decision, to gather what is healthy and good and let go of that which doesn't serve me any longer... i decided to quit Tri-D. which was a really difficult decision for me, because i get so much out of being there that is not monetary. i love the boys, i love working out and in my head that was *exactly* the kind of place i was going to go and make my sports medicine practice.



unfortunately, it just wasn't busy, and i was spending too much time and effort and it's been about a year, and it just hasn't been going anywhere. so, i decided it had to go. but, i was worried about telling the owner, because as much as i know i needed to do it, part of me really didn't want to. however, since i have - i feel SO much better. not to mention it means i am no longer going to early morning networking...i won't even get into that.

but, seriously, it was like this weight lifted, my anxiety left, my sleep is better. it's so cliche, but true - this is what stress does to you, i guess. that being said, it's now on me to make this work 100%, no outside attributions for success or failure, this is my life and i have to make it work. which is so exciting, and i am so passionate about it, but it terrifies me too. i'm in for a lot of hard work.

i think i'm ready. let's do this!

but i want to thank all my friends and family for their support through this - i know i was such a mess - thank you for your listening, your hugs, and your love! also, thank you to tim, who is a web genius, and figured out how to make my anatomy acupuncture blog be integrated into my website. go check it out and my new post on autumn... http://anatomyacupuncture.com/blog.html and tell me what you think.

anyway, as i come to more of center in the next couple of weeks, with a more organized schedule i plan on having devoted time for writing, both for myself and to share. it'll be a good thing.


here's to transition...

on autumn...

"It is a time of turning inward; a time to gather what is good, healthy, abundant and pure to our centers; a time to let go of what no longer serves us well and release what holds us back."

in the midst of gathering information for a blog post on TCM and autumn i came across the above quote. given my current life state it was some affirmation i needed. more on this later, and hopefully a full fledged post on the anatomyacupuncture site.

anyway, just thought i'd share.

"...my calendar lies crumbled/laid to waste..."

It's been scrawled on, thumbed through and changed. Will this be the measure of my days? Dinners and appointments and deadlines I can't make.
-Indigo Girls "I'll Change"

i promise i haven't forgotten you. i've just been... tired. so tired. september, was a hectic month. lots of travel, lots of visitors - all of it fabulous and fun, but had me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and while i planned to post many times (oh, do i have photos for you!) i just never *quite* managed to find that time...

we can still be friends, right?

september began calmly enough... but all of a sudden i was heading out to montana - and you know how it is when you leave town, everyone wants to see you...lots of late appointments, lots of work to do, not to mention pack and sort out the roadtrip. finally, we left early one friday morning, and excepting my *first* speeding ticket EVER it was a wonderful journey. i think it was the fastest (not literally, thanks to officer mark o'neill) 10 hours in the car. the weather was beautiful, the scenery (except eastern WA) new and pretty and well, i guess the company wasn't half bad either. :P

how do i describe montana... the trip was amazing. outside the rugged beauty of the land, and the very accomodating weather, seeing Katrin was phenomenal. So great to catch up, to see her get married, to meet Jake... what a beautiful setting for the wedding (finley point on flathead lake!) and Kat was a stunning bride! after the wedding we hit up glacier national park for a couple days... i don't have the words to do it justice... please take a look at the photos.




back to portland on tuesday, work, clean, pack, back on the road on friday to the oregon coast. a much shorter trip (yay!) but also beautiful! had a weird, alternate universe moment - being at the beach with Matt and Jodie, but not the OBX... kind of bizarre. awesome to see them, a superfun wedding with Jake and Jackie. the setting was beautiful - the beach at sunset is hard to beat, and the reception was great! then back home on sunday, pick up Em from the airport and frolic!

then mama came the next tuesday, and alas, had to send her back home yesterday...

and somehow. it's october. i don't really know how that happened. while i am so grateful i got to see so many people in september, i'm wiped. i think i need a month to recover and regroup.

october is my get it together month. which means, i'll get it together. i'll post photos, thoughts, and possibly even be witty... you never know.

keep me honest... i'll be back in a week, tops.

We'll take a little walk/somewhere by the trees and water

I don't mean to neglect you. Really, I don't. I've been all over the place. Trying to get sorted for the craziness that will be September. I'm excited, but, man, lots going on.

So, the website is up. and yes, I know, still missing a couple of pages. But overall, I've gotten good feedback and am very excited about that! Still working on getting the blog on the main site... but it's coming, don't you worry. And yes, that means then I have to update in 2 separate places... not sure how I'm going to handle that. But it is one of my september goals to be organized to sit down and update weekly!

what else, just got back from a quick trip to the olympic peninsula in washington. had some down time, so tim and i decided to go for a couple of nights. as befits the rainforest it was rainy on our drive... but once we got there there was just a fog that i found quite enjoyable! the spot we went to was lake quinault, which if you have a really good memory is the site of one of my favorite photos ever...

From the magical mystery tour

(seriously the best auto-timer photo ever!)

taken almost 2 years ago to the day (weird how that happened) this was a photo from a trip cheryl and i took to explore the pacific northwest and it's potential livability. who knew 2 years ago, that i'd be living here today...and even managed to find this lake again (which we happened upon briefly during our trip) and apparently it's a popular spot... but so beautiful! i really enjoyed the camping, exploring and swimming here... it's worth a visit if you're ever up in the olympic peninsula!

millions of photos, for sure... here are but a few.

funny how much happens that you can't anticipate... that trip two years ago seems like a lifetime ago, yet changed the course of my future. if we had never gone roadtripping, i don't know if i would have moved to portland...

which made me think about how 5 years ago i made the choice not to stay in NZ and come back to the states and go to acupuncture school. what if i had taken that job, gotten residency... what would life look like now? and while i sometimes kick myself for not staying... i can't say i regret where i'm at now. the people i know, the life i have.

but it's interesting to think about that alternate path and the possibilities that it had...

anatomyacupuncture.com is on the interwebs!

so, finally, finally got the website up and running. an enormous thank you to tim for all his time and effort and technological prowess because, seriously, i couldn't have done it on my own!



anyway, please check out my site - give me feedback! i want to know!

also, many photos to come - steph came to visit, and puma is hilarious with the heat we've been having - so hopefully later this week you will get a taste of all of that :)

but for now: www.anatomyacupuncture.com and if you're not already reading it- please also check out: www.anatomyacupuncture.blogspot.com for my updates there !

cheers,
~Alexis

worth a thousand words

i owe you some photos.

1) of Sara's visit. of which I do not have nearly enough of the two of us, and perhaps too many of flowers. as her visit was way too short, perhaps it's fitting. but, i miss her already. heaps. it was amazing to see her here in portland, and luckily we had pretty good weather. i got to meet her cousin (+family) and spend some time with them, as well as with Sar in alberta arts (have i mentioned how tea/coffee shops are our favorite?) and as the pictures make blatantly obvious, we visited the japanese gardens (am i obsessed much?) and the rose gardens. the irises were in bloom at the japanese gardens and it was beautiful (i swear, i didn't even post half the photos i took).






2) and more recently, i did a bit of baking (it's been awhile and the weather's been hot... but there were some recipes i just had to try!) so below, food (and no, this was all for other people, it did NOT live at my house... ) however, i must say that my acquisition of a mini-cheesecake pan is perchance my most favorite thing at the moment :) . so... recipes for this deliciousness can be found at smittenkitchen.com (thanks, Deb!).

happy (and happy 4th)

Sara gets into town tonight, and i am more excited than i can express to see her and catch up over this weekend! yay!

and just because i thought i'd share some recent photos of puma (i was all about the photo-shoot, but her, notsomuch). they're not great, but some are fun, especially puma making notsohappy faces because i was incessantly harassing her.... ahhhh, cats.

and then, i remembered i took some puma photos about a year ago with the nice dSLR i was trying out...

what a difference it makes, eh? sooooo much better quality.... *sigh* one day, i'll get myself one :).

mirror, mirror on the lake....

took a brief adventure to mirror lake yesterday. it was a beautiful day out, and the drive to the mt hood area was lovely. the hike was pretty short and it's odd to say this, but i think both tim and i were disappointed with the end result.

i think we were expecting something more grand (not that it wasn't a lovely day to be outside in nature), and i think, perhaps, we've been a bit spoiled by some of our other hikes.

anyway, mirror lake - so called - because on windless days you can get a gorgeous reflection of mt. hood. there was a slight wind and so the lake was not quite flat, but tim managed to get a few pictures with a reflection on it. other than that, we stopped and sat in the sun, enjoying the weather for a bit, and then headed home.

sweet summer sunshine

and strawberries... seriously, they seem endless out back. and delish!




it's a gorgeous weekend here in pdx. and i got to have breakfast with the Pangs this morning, and that was a treat! I haven't seen them since I left SD, and they were on a roadtrip in a pretty pimped out RV (i think it was nicer than my house), and luckily they had time to meet for breakfast. Got them to come out to NE and we ate at The Tin Shed, one of my fave breakfast places. It's totally worth the wait on the weekend, and they even sat all 9 of us together! So great to see them, but super quick as they're on their way back down to SD after having spend a week traveling up the coast! next time, they have to spend longer in pdx and maybe drag Yuki and Emerson along :)

speaking of delish food... last night tim and i went to hang out on mississippi ave and found a cute tapas place - they had an awesome back patio area - sand, hammock chairs, fire pit, swings... and they made a damn good mojito with mango and black currant. casa naranja - i recommend it, especially on a beautiful evening, awesome hang out spot.

and because tim thinks it's all i talk about (because, well, it kind of it) i figure i would mention AGAIN how excited i am that this time next week SARA will be here! yayayayay! can't wait. 3 days isn't long enough, and she'll be spending part of that time with her cousin, but i'm selfish and want as much sar-time as i can get! hopefully the weather will continue cooperating and we can do a hike, and other than that - i suspect we'll find a tea shop and hang... yay!

the anatomy website is getting *closer* to done, i promise! soon soon!

that's all on this end, have a beautiful day!

carry me away into the woods

(sheepish look). i know it's been a while. things have picked up at work, finally. which is a good thing. i'm doing my best to get the anatomy website up and running (look for it in the next couple of days) - writing content is a pain in the ass. but, i'm getting there.

in the meantime, what else can i tell you? i've been feeling pulled in a lot of directions. not sure where any of them will take me, so just checking out options. and it's exciting, but at the same time exhausting and i don't feel like i have the energy to put my all into every piece.

in exciting news, Sara is coming to visit in 2 weeks! i CANNOT wait! yay!!!! it's been ages since i've seen her and can't wait to spend time sitting in tea shops and catching up on life. (and ulterior motive, hoping to convince her pdx is the most fabulous place ever and she wants to live here so we can have an integrative practice together) but, you know, just catching up.

and last monday tim and i took a hike on the oregon side of the gorge called angel's rest... and here are some photos.

about time

recently i finally got my act together and registered my LLC with the Oregon Secretary of State. this means i have my own business! yay!

so, my business is registered as: anatomy acupuncture, llc.


i have my very own website (still under construction) which you should bookmark and visit often! i am going to be putting up a blog and will have regularly updated news and health information.

for now, check it out at: www.anatomyacupuncture.com and worry not, i will be letting you know when it's up and running for real (and then pestering you to send it to everyone you know :P).

a big thank you to tim for being a technical genius and for putting up with my nonsense! :)

worthwhile reading

some more reading on health care from the washington post and the new yorker. check it out if you have time.

Doctors Don't Work for You Anymore

Annals of Medicine: The Cost Conundrum: newyorker.com