We'll take a little walk/somewhere by the trees and water

I don't mean to neglect you. Really, I don't. I've been all over the place. Trying to get sorted for the craziness that will be September. I'm excited, but, man, lots going on.

So, the website is up. and yes, I know, still missing a couple of pages. But overall, I've gotten good feedback and am very excited about that! Still working on getting the blog on the main site... but it's coming, don't you worry. And yes, that means then I have to update in 2 separate places... not sure how I'm going to handle that. But it is one of my september goals to be organized to sit down and update weekly!

what else, just got back from a quick trip to the olympic peninsula in washington. had some down time, so tim and i decided to go for a couple of nights. as befits the rainforest it was rainy on our drive... but once we got there there was just a fog that i found quite enjoyable! the spot we went to was lake quinault, which if you have a really good memory is the site of one of my favorite photos ever...

From the magical mystery tour

(seriously the best auto-timer photo ever!)

taken almost 2 years ago to the day (weird how that happened) this was a photo from a trip cheryl and i took to explore the pacific northwest and it's potential livability. who knew 2 years ago, that i'd be living here today...and even managed to find this lake again (which we happened upon briefly during our trip) and apparently it's a popular spot... but so beautiful! i really enjoyed the camping, exploring and swimming here... it's worth a visit if you're ever up in the olympic peninsula!

millions of photos, for sure... here are but a few.

funny how much happens that you can't anticipate... that trip two years ago seems like a lifetime ago, yet changed the course of my future. if we had never gone roadtripping, i don't know if i would have moved to portland...

which made me think about how 5 years ago i made the choice not to stay in NZ and come back to the states and go to acupuncture school. what if i had taken that job, gotten residency... what would life look like now? and while i sometimes kick myself for not staying... i can't say i regret where i'm at now. the people i know, the life i have.

but it's interesting to think about that alternate path and the possibilities that it had...

anatomyacupuncture.com is on the interwebs!

so, finally, finally got the website up and running. an enormous thank you to tim for all his time and effort and technological prowess because, seriously, i couldn't have done it on my own!



anyway, please check out my site - give me feedback! i want to know!

also, many photos to come - steph came to visit, and puma is hilarious with the heat we've been having - so hopefully later this week you will get a taste of all of that :)

but for now: www.anatomyacupuncture.com and if you're not already reading it- please also check out: www.anatomyacupuncture.blogspot.com for my updates there !

cheers,
~Alexis

worth a thousand words

i owe you some photos.

1) of Sara's visit. of which I do not have nearly enough of the two of us, and perhaps too many of flowers. as her visit was way too short, perhaps it's fitting. but, i miss her already. heaps. it was amazing to see her here in portland, and luckily we had pretty good weather. i got to meet her cousin (+family) and spend some time with them, as well as with Sar in alberta arts (have i mentioned how tea/coffee shops are our favorite?) and as the pictures make blatantly obvious, we visited the japanese gardens (am i obsessed much?) and the rose gardens. the irises were in bloom at the japanese gardens and it was beautiful (i swear, i didn't even post half the photos i took).






2) and more recently, i did a bit of baking (it's been awhile and the weather's been hot... but there were some recipes i just had to try!) so below, food (and no, this was all for other people, it did NOT live at my house... ) however, i must say that my acquisition of a mini-cheesecake pan is perchance my most favorite thing at the moment :) . so... recipes for this deliciousness can be found at smittenkitchen.com (thanks, Deb!).

happy (and happy 4th)

Sara gets into town tonight, and i am more excited than i can express to see her and catch up over this weekend! yay!

and just because i thought i'd share some recent photos of puma (i was all about the photo-shoot, but her, notsomuch). they're not great, but some are fun, especially puma making notsohappy faces because i was incessantly harassing her.... ahhhh, cats.

and then, i remembered i took some puma photos about a year ago with the nice dSLR i was trying out...

what a difference it makes, eh? sooooo much better quality.... *sigh* one day, i'll get myself one :).

mirror, mirror on the lake....

took a brief adventure to mirror lake yesterday. it was a beautiful day out, and the drive to the mt hood area was lovely. the hike was pretty short and it's odd to say this, but i think both tim and i were disappointed with the end result.

i think we were expecting something more grand (not that it wasn't a lovely day to be outside in nature), and i think, perhaps, we've been a bit spoiled by some of our other hikes.

anyway, mirror lake - so called - because on windless days you can get a gorgeous reflection of mt. hood. there was a slight wind and so the lake was not quite flat, but tim managed to get a few pictures with a reflection on it. other than that, we stopped and sat in the sun, enjoying the weather for a bit, and then headed home.

sweet summer sunshine

and strawberries... seriously, they seem endless out back. and delish!




it's a gorgeous weekend here in pdx. and i got to have breakfast with the Pangs this morning, and that was a treat! I haven't seen them since I left SD, and they were on a roadtrip in a pretty pimped out RV (i think it was nicer than my house), and luckily they had time to meet for breakfast. Got them to come out to NE and we ate at The Tin Shed, one of my fave breakfast places. It's totally worth the wait on the weekend, and they even sat all 9 of us together! So great to see them, but super quick as they're on their way back down to SD after having spend a week traveling up the coast! next time, they have to spend longer in pdx and maybe drag Yuki and Emerson along :)

speaking of delish food... last night tim and i went to hang out on mississippi ave and found a cute tapas place - they had an awesome back patio area - sand, hammock chairs, fire pit, swings... and they made a damn good mojito with mango and black currant. casa naranja - i recommend it, especially on a beautiful evening, awesome hang out spot.

and because tim thinks it's all i talk about (because, well, it kind of it) i figure i would mention AGAIN how excited i am that this time next week SARA will be here! yayayayay! can't wait. 3 days isn't long enough, and she'll be spending part of that time with her cousin, but i'm selfish and want as much sar-time as i can get! hopefully the weather will continue cooperating and we can do a hike, and other than that - i suspect we'll find a tea shop and hang... yay!

the anatomy website is getting *closer* to done, i promise! soon soon!

that's all on this end, have a beautiful day!

carry me away into the woods

(sheepish look). i know it's been a while. things have picked up at work, finally. which is a good thing. i'm doing my best to get the anatomy website up and running (look for it in the next couple of days) - writing content is a pain in the ass. but, i'm getting there.

in the meantime, what else can i tell you? i've been feeling pulled in a lot of directions. not sure where any of them will take me, so just checking out options. and it's exciting, but at the same time exhausting and i don't feel like i have the energy to put my all into every piece.

in exciting news, Sara is coming to visit in 2 weeks! i CANNOT wait! yay!!!! it's been ages since i've seen her and can't wait to spend time sitting in tea shops and catching up on life. (and ulterior motive, hoping to convince her pdx is the most fabulous place ever and she wants to live here so we can have an integrative practice together) but, you know, just catching up.

and last monday tim and i took a hike on the oregon side of the gorge called angel's rest... and here are some photos.

about time

recently i finally got my act together and registered my LLC with the Oregon Secretary of State. this means i have my own business! yay!

so, my business is registered as: anatomy acupuncture, llc.


i have my very own website (still under construction) which you should bookmark and visit often! i am going to be putting up a blog and will have regularly updated news and health information.

for now, check it out at: www.anatomyacupuncture.com and worry not, i will be letting you know when it's up and running for real (and then pestering you to send it to everyone you know :P).

a big thank you to tim for being a technical genius and for putting up with my nonsense! :)

worthwhile reading

some more reading on health care from the washington post and the new yorker. check it out if you have time.

Doctors Don't Work for You Anymore

Annals of Medicine: The Cost Conundrum: newyorker.com

It'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy

so. here's hoping this will be somewhat coherent, but i've got a lot of thoughts running around my head about the state of the health care system in this country and i'm going to try to put them in some sort of order. disclaimer - i am no expert, this is my personal (slightly informed) opinion - feel free to disagree.

some of what i'm thinking, i've been thinking for a long time. some of it was stirred up a bit by a rant someone in my networking group gave about the proposed change to our healthcare system - i.e. a move to nationalized health care instead of private. he was against this re-organization and made a lot of statements i didn't agree with, but a lot of people in my group did. and this is still bothering me. a lot.

the idea of universal health care appeals to me immensely on the whole, as a general concept. there is certainly more than one way of getting to this end point, lots of variations on a theme - any of which i would find preferable to the current state of affairs. currently, there are approximately 45 million people in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA without health insurance. seriously, 45 million. and it's projected to hit 56 million in the next decade. i don't know about you, but this makes me angry, and ashamed. here we are, proposing to be the world's superpower, to be a civilized nation that brags about the "best health care in the world," and 45 MILLION people don't have insurance...which means they likely don't get the health care they need (and if they do, it's often too late and expensive and the rest of us pay for it - more on that later). so, for me, more than any of the other arguments this is the the one that gets me. it's appalling for me to think that there are people who don't care that this huge portion of our country is without basic care.

moving on. the big point that was brought up at my meeting was that if we move to a nationalized health care plan that we will still have to pay for it, and possibly pay more. he railed a bit against a single payer system saying that people who supported this didn't realize that we all would be paying for it. but the thing is, we already pay for it. we pay for private insurance, we pay hefty medical bills, we pay for the relentless paperwork and administrivia, we pay when the 45 million uninsured end up in the ER and can't pay. so yes, we would have to pay for for a single payer system - most likely in the form of taxes, but we'd all have health insurance coverage, and we'd make the system hugely more efficient. (another single payer link).

of the other points that were made against a nationalized health care plan - that you won't be able to choose the care you get (i.e. the goverment tells you what you can and can't have), that there are long wait times and that it's "just like medicare which is bankrupting this country." i don't have answers to everything, but what i can say to these points is this: that in all the nationalized/single payer (or some variation on this theme) systems that other countries have - you can still get elective surgery. yes - wait times are generally longer for this. but, what's the wait time on elective surgery for people in this country who are uninsured or underinsured... a long time, or never. so for me it's a bit of a non-argument. i don't ever think we'll be in the position where goverment will dictate what procedures you can and can't have (again, nationalized health care is not socialized medicine - the doctors are still in the private sector - they would just get paid by the government instead of your insurance company) and as it happens, half the time your insurance company dictates this anyway.

and while no system is perfect - there is certainly the possibility for change and improvement. in other countries that currently operate some sort of nationalized health care (UK, NZ, Canada) the populations report a greater satisfaction with their health care than we do here in the US. and these countries (and thereby citizens) are spending WAY less on health care than we do. and they're happier with what they get. and everyone is covered.

so along with a system like this some changes would happen in the administrative arena - clearly having a single payer simplifies things enormously. currently the amount of paper work physicians (and other health care providers) have to do to get re-imbursed is insane - not to mention if often varies from payer to payer. the administrative cost add up to some like 1/3 of all the health care costs in america - these would be dramatically reduced in a single-payer system. less time doctors have to spend on paperwork = more doctoring they can do - and that's the part they're good at. also, it is likely (and there are already proposed measures) that we would move to a electronic medical record system (EMR) which makes sharing health information much more efficient and reduces the number of redundant tests/diagnostics due to poor communication between providers. also, saves paperwork and paper (yay for the trees!). all of this makes medical records more accessible to patients and to their providers meaning care is more efficient and most likely more effective.

all this ties in with another recurring thought i've been having about health care in this country. it is SO based on reactionary care and not prevention. and i get it, prevention isn't sexy. there aren't cures, and dramatic outcomes and really, it's hard to sell. but that's because our paradigm needs to shift. and this is a whole other post... so more on that later. but with it's relation to a single payer/universal/nationalized health care system - think about it. if you have access to health care, if we ALL have access to health care - aren't we more likely to participate in prevention; to take care of ourselves because we have the resources; to stop injuries/illnesses from escalating because we can get care instead of leaving it til too late? all these things make us healthier, not only as individuals but as communities and society. if we're all taking preventative care, then we're all much less likely to get sick, and get someone else sick... it just makes so much sense. and all of this means it is SO much more cost effective...

it's a bit of a no-brainer to me. and as i said, it's not perfect, nothing is. but it is BETTER than having 45 million people uninsured and countless others under-insured. we can do better than that. we really can.

here are a couple of links to a blog (that has a lot more research and coherent writing than mine) looking much more in depth at health care costs in the US and what the systems look like in other countries (also, check out his other posts on health care systems in France, Germany, the Netherlands and Australia).

your thoughts?

i got a pocket/a pocket full of sunshine

...namaste...

so, while i realized that i love yoga, i didn't realize how much i missed having yoga in my life! i went to a yoga class last night for the first time in ages...probably a year. it felt so good! especially after training earlier in the day. and it just reminded me how important taking time for myself is, and that, personally, i do need the balance that yoga and meditation bring to my life.

finding that place is hard for me, because at the end of the day, i want to go home and eat dinner and hang out with tim and puma, but despite getting home late, it was a very good use of my time and i felt really good for it, even though i'd been up since 5.30am. so, a new goal of mine is to try and make AT LEAST one yoga class a week, though i'd like it to be more...we'll get there.

on another note of taking the time and doing things for myself - tim and i went on a 24 hour excursion to silver falls state park (about an hour and a half away), we left on sunday afternoon after i finished work and got in, stayed in a little cabin and spent most of the evening sitting on the porch listening to the rain fall. it was AWESOME. we got up the next morning and explored the state park - we followed the canyon trail, or the trail of ten falls and walked all along the park. the walk itself wasn't difficult, but the scenery was beyond gorgeous and so knowing me and my photo-happy self it took ages. i also can't wait to go back another time with a better camera. we were lucky in that the weather called for rain, but it only did a little in the morning and then mostly cleared up. the temperature was perfect for hiking in, and everything was glowing and green! next time we go (and we will, though maybe not in the summer as it gets crazy busy over there) there are some other trails i'd love to check out.

anyway, here are your photos!

they say it's your birthday...

april has FLOWN by, i don't even know where to start (is it bad that mostly that's because i'm not sure i remember? ha). but, seriously, i can't believe that we're heading into may shortly, that i've lived in portland for just about 7 months... it amazes me.

most recently we have had absolutely phenomenal weather, sunny and clear - we had a couple days of 80+ degree weather, and the city just came alive! lucky for tim, it was over his birthday so we managed to spend a bit of time in the outdoors and celebrate! we hung out in alberta, explored kelly point park, wandered around downtown and most notably kayaked on the willamette! it couldn't have been a more perfect day for kayaking, sunny and warm, not too much river traffic, a private tour with an awesome guide (thanks jeff!). i LOVE being on the water, and it was such a different perspective, seeing the city from the river instead of the river from the city. all those bridges i love, i got to see from underneath...it gave me flashbacks to crew and rowing under key bridge (and how i always wished i had my camera). anyway, see below for a few photos of birthday activities!




in addition we also went to see christopher guest, michael mckean, and harry shearer (of spinal tap, best in show, a mighty wind - fame) as they stopped in portland on their tour - and it was hilarious, lots of laughs, i would recommend going to see them if you can!

here comes the sun

as promised... photos from last week's adventure on the coast... we headed out to Astoria, it was a bit overcast, but still beautiful. Astoria, as any child of the 80's knows, is home to the Goonies. It was a trip being there and seeing it... and if you don't know, Astoria is the northernmost coastal town in OR. After Astoria we headed down to Warrenton, where there is an old British ship that is in ruins on the beach...and then out to clatsop spit where the Columbia river meets the Pacific ocean. beautiful!



and here, since i am clearly in withdrawl from cherry blossoms, it was a gorgeous day - so tim and i went out to the willamette and did some hanging out in the waterfront park

they were nothing more than people, by themselves...

Even paired, any pairing, they would have been nothing more that people by themselves. But all together, they become the heart and the muscles and mind of something perilous and new, something strange and growing and great. Together, all together, they are the instruments of change.
-Keri Hulme, "The Bone People"

Currently I am sitting at the OAAOM (Oregon Association of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine) Conference. and it's interesting as this is Oregon's new professional organization - they have had some reorganization in the past year and combined to previously existing organizations into this one. So, their theme is unification with this whole phoenix rising imagery. and at the membership meeting yesterday we were talking about the history of Acupuncture in Oregon and how it has progressed - and lots of current legislative issues that affect the practice of medicine and acupuncture here in Oregon. and what was interesting to me (being a bit of an outsider at this point, having no history of being a practitioner nor being an Oregon resident) was just the re-iteration by many of the speakers of how as a profession we have to join together, to get ourselves to the table for discussion let alone to be heard. and i think it's promising. there's a lot going on in the world right now, in our country - in healthcare - and there's a lot of change. On the board this morning was a quote from Barack Obama "Change will not come if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we 've been waiting for, we are the change that we seek" which, of course is more than reminiscent of Ghandi's "be the change you wish to see in the world" but also reminded me very much of that quote above by Keri Hulme...

anyway, just my thought of the morning... back to treatment of Hep C. and later, photos from our trip to the coast last weekend...

that would be ecstasy/you and me...

*sigh*

i'm a happy girl. :) and how could i not be? i've had a lovely last few weeks; i had a chill but lovely birthday... tim so kindly made me delicious lamb chops, heard from lots of friends and family (thank you all, it's been busy and i apologize for not getting back to you), mama came to visit and we had a great time, work has been going well... and well, i *just* received my awesome birthday gift from tim...



she's so pretty... i think i'm in love <3!

thank you, tim (not that you haven't heard it already). but i *love* my mixer! as fate would have it - i started a detox the day the mixer arrived, but worry not - it has absolutely NOT stopped me from using it, just from eating the results! yay! mixer!

other than that - it's starting to be spring for real now, the weather is warming up, the flowers are coming out, and we went hiking (well, sort of)... today, at beacon rock on the washington side of the columbia river gorge...




this was a neat little walk, it was built by two people over a two year period in the early 1900s...crazy! but awesome views, even in the drizzle :)

And February was so long that it lasted into March...

...And found us walking a path alone together.
You stopped and pointed and you said, "Thats a crocus,"

i think it might *actually* be spring! walking around today, there ARE crocuses (croci?) and shoots that will soon become daffodils and irises! *contented sigh* i heart spring, it has been years since i've gotten to experience it. love it! and (i know i know i know i know) i've been a bad girl. february was... well, not spent at my computer. long stories short: moving, visiting SD, moving tim, stuck in snow, moving in, getting internet, working lots and here we are in march!

oh. you actually wanted details? hmmmm. well, i moved to a new place still in NE, but a little closer to town and walking distance to the Alberta arts area. I am absolutely loving both the house and location. here are a few pix of move-in, before the arrival of tim and furniture.



went down to SD for a couple of days, got to see lots of my very much missed friends. it was wonderful, thank you everyone for taking the time to see me and catch up! it was WAYYYYY too short, and i'm sorry i didn't have more time. but i miss and love you all heaps, and can't wait for you to visit pdx!

then tim and i drove (for the 2nd time in 6 months) from SD to PDX. however, this time we did not take the scenic tour, but headed straight up on 5N. we did have a bit of snow adventure, and were 'stuck' in Mt Shasta for a day with a bunch of snow. see following evidence:




and that's it for now, kids... more post-move-in, and mom visit after next week!

i teeter between tired/and really, really tired/ i'm wiped out and wired/ but i guess thats just as well

(thanks ani, couldn't say it any better.)

wiped out and wired. what i am dreaming of is a long HOT bath, a bottle of white wine, and a really comfortable bed. (ahhhh, sorry to disappoint any of you who might think my fantasies were anything but pedestrian.) i'm sitting here, on my thai mat on the floor (aka my bed) and thinking that sleep could possibly be the greatest drug in the world, if only i could get a fix.

lacking any of the above (bath, wine, bed or sleep) i figured i'd write. or type and see if it passes as writing. so, despite my previous promise to write more about things other than my own internal drama (as, i do in fact think about more global topics) tonight, you'll have to indulge me as re-process some thoughts and conversations i've had this past week.

had a really long talk with em the other day (thank you my love, you ARE my soul mate, i'd be lost without you in my life). as per usual we talk a lot about nothing, and somehow i got to talking about how i've been here just about 5 months now, and i have no friends here. sure, i have people i do things with occasionally (trivia, game night) but, i'd be hard-pressed to actually say any of them are really *my* friends. friends by proxy perhaps... and this is not to say i don't enjoy their company, i absolutely do. but, i would be hard pressed to say i felt comfortable calling any of them up to go for a hike or grab some tea and chat...etc. and i know, i know this stuff takes time, (way more than 5 months time), but it brought me to the question of HOW exactly does one make friends? no, really. it's a serious question (and i would appreciate any advice on the matter) - when you're not in school, and you live in a new place, how do you make friends? so, there's work. which is good, i LOVE the people i work with, but it's work, and while i wouldn't mind hanging with them in a non-work context, they have families and lives and yeah... i don't know. and then, well, that's really all i do. and i am hoping in a couple of months when work gets more stable, i will have time to commit to volunteering somewhere, taking yoga classes or cooking classes, etc... but, right now. notsomuch.

and as far as the work thing goes, had a short talk with brad (owner of tri-d) today - he was asking me how things were going and i said they were going well, slowly, but getting there. and that i really love working there and hope to make it worth their while, i hope it turns out to be a good thing for them too, and that's been my recent frustration - i feel kind of inadequate, that i'm not making good enough numbers, etc. he said that both he and michael (my supervisor) were really happy i was there, and they thought i was doing a great job, and just to keep it up and things would happen. (did i mention i love where i work?)

and, on another note... i'm moving tomorrow. (perhaps why i can't sleep). i'm all packed and totally ready to move. am meeting the landlord at 10 to trade lease +rent for keys, and then i am hoping i can get everything moved tomorrow and sorted as i work sunday morning and have been told by bjorn i am expected at anke and marcel's superbowl shindig. that being said, i will do my best to take photos (of the empty place) and post shortly but not sure when the internet will be connected, so i may be MIA for a few days...

and before signing off... a quick shoutout to some of the most wonderful aquarius ladies in my life: ems, nancy, barbara... happiest happy birthdays, i hope you are celebrating your fabulous selves, as i celebrate each of you in my life! MWAH!

the future's in the air/i can feel it everywhere/ blowing with the wind of change

i wish i had something to say about this historic moment in the history of this nation. but i'm finding my words, let alone my thoughts, to be inadequate. at the moment i'm content to be an observer, to be a witness, without explanation or discourse.

speaking of wind though. i went hiking on saturday as it's been beautiful and sunny up here in oregon. so, i decided to hit the columbia river gorge in the sunshine (as previous pictures can attest to it's often in cloud). this time i decided to mix it up and head over to the washington side of the gorge. found a great hike, but didn't make it far because much of the track was exposed and right on the river and the winds were CRAZY. i took a couple photos before i backtracked and found a different, slightly more sheltered hike nearby.

(i'm pretty sure i took these all with my eyes closed, because the wind was too strong)

the columbia river in the sunshine!
(apologies for blur, but closed eyes and unsteady hand in the wind...)

so after that, i retreated and found another nearby hike (which can actually join up with this one if on future occasions i am up to the wind tunnel that is the gorge). lots of winter (i.e. bare) tree action. but blue skies and some pretty views...

(oh and T- 13 days til i move...)

and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms...

i cannot believe it's the middle of january.

i'm not sure when that happened. also, it's been BEAUTIFUL here, sunny and clear. apparently this is one freak-show of a winter for portland. but, i'm not complaining!

so far the new year has been continuing on pretty well. work is going, slowly, but going. been trying to do a lot of this networking business, which is not really my style, but needs to be done. though, in regards to that - i got rejected from a networking group, HA! i am totally amused.

been doing a lot of thinking lately, and not nearly enough writing. there are some things i'd like to write about regarding health care and various paradigms, but i haven't managed to sit down and do it. i've been feeling like my brain has all these thoughts but i am somehow unable to put them together as a cohesive whole. but, writing more on broader topics than what i do in my day is a goal of mine for the coming months. however, for now, you're stuck with this.

the middle of january means i move in two weeks. and while i don't have that much stuff, and there's a lot still in boxes, somehow the thought is still overwhelming to me. i cannot wait to be in my new place and simultaneously am dreading the actual process of moving (didn't i just do this?). however, it will be nice to fully unpack and settle a bit. but, that probably doesn't happen for real til tim and i get back from SD.

am SO excited to visit san diego and see all my friends. (i'm living in serious friend xu right now!) am feeling slightly guilty that it is under the auspices of helping tim pack and move, but more than likely will end up being mostly a social event as i have many people to catch up with (sorry tim!). while excited, i am slightly exhausted from thinking about my social schedule already...hehehe.

got to catch up with with emily and sara in the past 24 hours, and talked lots. (i love you ladies more than words) a lot about how there are just so many questions we don't have the answers for. and don't know if anyone does. however, i think the asking of them is still important. but sometimes the preponderance of questions is disconcerting and ungrounding and the ability to let go into that space of being comfortable with uncertainty is extremely difficult. it is such a reflex to reach out and try and grab a hold of some bit of a notion that we convince ourselves of as being an answer. it's so easy to long for something finite and for reassurance and so hard to sit with the ever expanding body of not-knowing and not feel completely lost. during this discussion sara reminded me of one of my very favorite quotes with which i shall leave you:

"...have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..."

- Ranier Maria Rilke